Spike's Diary
by nikkibabe
Summary: Spike has to go out of town on business and Buffy goes to his place for a snoop about, but she finds more than she ever expected!
1. Girly But Cute

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing blah, blah, blah!!!!!  
  
AUTHOUR'S NOTES: this can be a short fic or I can carry it on, I kinda have a storyline in mind. But it's all down to you guys. If you want me to carry on them please review and tell me so cuz my last fic was a bit of a flop but the one before was a major success so just let me know.  
  
Ok here's the deal I thought the Spike/Buffy relationship in S6 was really bad and they should be happy so here is my version.  
  
TIME LINE: Set before Once More, With Feeling. So that means no Buffy/Spike smoochies just yet. Spike had been away for a couple of days when our story starts...  
  
GIRLY BUT CUTE!  
  
Buffy wandered around the cemetery, she didn't know what to do with herself. All day she had just wandered around itching for something exciting to happen, still it hadn't. So she'd thought of Spike nothing was ever boring when he was around, even if that was only because he was annoying her that much.  
  
She hadn't seen him in a couple of days so it didn't seem too outrageous that she should just slip in and see what he was up to. Her feet took her across the cemetery to Spike's crypt, only it wasn't just that is was his home and over past few weeks since she'd been back it was almost like a second home to her.  
  
The crypt that should be dark and dingy was a place she could go and be safe, free from high expectations and she liked it, and even though she'd never admit it to him she even quite liked the company. Now she was facing the door.  
  
For a split second she thought about knocking then laughed at the idea, she'd never bothered with knocking before and yes he'd become almost a friend but still knocking? She pushed the door open and looked round.  
  
No Spike, she didn't even need to look down stairs she knew he wasn't there she would have been able to feel him if he was there, she should have left then but she didn't. A piece of paper folded and stood up on the television caught her eye, she walked closer to inspect the item.  
  
The paper was labelled with her name she unfolded it and started to mumbled the words written in beautiful swirls typical of an English Victorian poet.  
  
'Buffy,  
  
Thought that you'd be by to see yours truly, I know how irresistible I am to you. Just so you don't worry I wanted to let you know that I had to go away for a couple of days. Sorry I missed you but I'll be back on Thursday if you want to come back.  
  
Spike'  
  
Immediately her mind raced with reasons why he would leave, was he gone for good? Had he gone to free himself of the chip? Was he getting Dru back? "What's he planning?" Buffy muttered as she threw herself into his black leather armchair.  
  
She knew really though that he wasn't planning anything evil, he would do it, he would risk losing her friendship and being able to spend time with Dawn. Still Buffy never left the vampire's home, instead she flicked on the TV and stuffed a tape of Passions into the video player.  
  
~*~  
  
Three hours, an affair, a tragic accident and four deep dark and shocking secretes later Buffy was bored again. She didn't have the energy to go home, hell she wasn't even sure she had enough energy to climb out of the chair.  
  
"Come on Spike you must have something interesting around here!" She sighed in frustration and boredom as a evil thought crept into her mind.  
  
Spike had always been so protective over his things, at first Buffy had just thought it was in his vampire nature, he watched her like a hawk when she was there. And he would get very touchy if she dared to pick anything up. So now would be the ideal time to have a bit of a snoop about, Buffy jumped down the ladder.  
  
Buffy began by pulling open the chest of draws in the corner of the bedroom, nothing interesting there only about ten black t-shirts. Buffy laughed to herself she always wondered if he had multiple sets of his favourite outfit! She pulled open the next draw never thinking about how wrong what she was doing was. Buffy gasped as she saw numerous items of brightly coloured clothing.  
  
She started to pull the items out to get a better look, the first thing was a vivid yellow shirt, too loud she thought tossing it on to the bed. The next item was pair a stonewash blue jeans, nice she thought. Then came a bright blue shirt that would bring out his eyes she thought as she reached for the next piece of clothing. As she went to grab a green polo jumper she noticed that there was a thick leather book in the draw.  
  
Eyeing it with suspicion she plucked it out of the draw and moved to the bed flipping the cover open. 'February 21st 1998.'  
  
"God he writes a diary!" Buffy said half in shock half with intrigue. She wanted to read it but she knew that it really was wrong. If Spike had ever even thought about reading her journal then she would have staked him within a second, but she could let her curiosity rest. Maybe just a quick peep she though as she flipped towards the end of the book looking for a recent entry.  
  
"Bingo!"  
  
'Monday 2nd March 2002  
  
I've got go away for a few day, to be honest I can't really be bothered but I have to met Johnston in New York to sign the papers to sell the house in Paris, I'm over a 100 years old and even I've heard of a fax!  
  
I hope that Buffy will be alright without me, I know that it makes me out to be more important than I am but I know I'm helping her at the moment. Stupid as it sounds it makes me feel great, to know that I'm doing something good in her life that sometimes when she smiles that beautiful smile it's down to me. I've never really had that, the only time I made Dru smile was when I was evil but Buffy brings out the best in me.  
  
She having a hard time still, she doesn't tell me a lot about but I can see that pain and fear in her eyes and I hate it. Those perfect sexy eyes tainted by sadness all because the witch felt like doing some hocus pocus! I shouldn't be mad at the them I know what how they felt, how they hurt without her around, I wanted her back even more than them but I would have never brought her back. She was done she was finally getting to rest.  
  
Anyway here I am lying around when I should be getting ready to leave, it's nearly dark. I'm gonna have to leave Buffy a note, the last thing I want is for her to come looking for me and for her thinking that I've gone and left her like the rest of those bloodly poofs have.  
  
Will'  
  
Buffy didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but she was smiling. She was unsure what to make of it, it was honest and open and it was Spike. Or Will as he called himself, it touched her to think that in his journal and all he's wrote about was her and her pain.  
  
A sudden pang of guilt came over him, he cared that much for her and she was spending then time while he was away selling a house she never knew he had prying though his stuff.  
  
Buffy picked herself up off the bed put the journal and the cloths back in the draw and climbed up the ladder to head home. It was strange to think that Spike kept a diary, it was, well girly but cute. Next time she saw him she'd give him a hug, just for caring.  
  
TBC?  
  
If you want more you'll have to let me know what you think whether it be good or bed. Thanks and I hope you enjoyed it!!! 


	2. The Red Book

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thank you for all the feedback I've had so far, I really enjoyed reading what you all thought of this fic. Because of that I've decided that I will continue.  
  
But please don't stop the feedback there, the more feedback I get the quicker I will post. Thanks!  
  
  
  
THE RED BOOK  
  
It was late when Buffy got home, maybe three in the morning but she didn't feel like sleeping. When she walked through the door she surveyed the house, nobody was up. So she headed up towards her bedroom and decided that she at least try to sleep.  
  
Before she even got in the room she'd stripped her deep red tank top and matching red bra, entering the room she stepped out of her pants. The night was hot so she decided to leave her pyjamas in the draw tonight and just sleep in her little red thong. She crawled under the bed sheets and clenched her eyes tight shut.  
  
No there was no way she was going to be able to sleep all she could think about was Spike having a diary. Guilt throbbed through her body, she really shouldn't have read it. If Spike had read her diary she would have been made because he'd of read her deep dark personal thoughts, but it would be more with spike he would be humiliated for keeping one.  
  
Buffy didn't see it that way, to her it seemed only logical that an ex-poet who didn't have many real friends would keep a journal. If she said that to Spike he would just call him self a bloody poof. No she had really crosses a line this time, but that knowledge didn't stop her wishing that she were more.  
  
Sitting up in bed she decided that with her head buzzing with activity she would never get to sleep so she reached in her nightstand for her own diary. Then she remembered that she'd used all the pages and started to grope under the bed for the carrier bag that contained a new red hardback notebook she had bought to replace it.  
  
Sucking on the end of her pen she wondered how to explain what had happened that night, why had she even stayed so long at the crypt anyway? When she found that Spike was out of town she should have just left then and now she would be fast asleep all guilt free!  
  
She flipped the cover open and took her pen to the first line of the first page of the new notebook.  
  
'Tuesday 3rd March 2002  
  
God tonight I've done something really bad, I went to Spike's crypt but he wasn't there so I snooped round all his stuff. He's got a diary, and well I read it. I know that I really should have but you know me, I think it's the Slayer in me I have to know things.  
  
So now I'm lying in bed in the middle of the night not being able to sleep because I feel that bad about it. Part of me is screaming 'it's only Spike' but Spike has become my friend and even if he was just a monster what right do I have to search his house! I'm an evil Slayer!  
  
But I mean you should have seen what he'd written, I only read what he'd written for yesterday but it was so nice. He didn't right about what he wanted from me or what he wished I would do he wrote about me. Not the Slayer about Buffy and how he hoped she was happy, I mean that's amazing isn't it?!  
  
He understands how I felt when they brought me back and he knows how hard it is for me now, but he doesn't want to push me to be 'better' again. That's what Willow and Xander talk about me getting 'better' like they think I'm ill or something. Yeah they don't know where I was or what they've done to me but that's not the point! Dawn doesn't push like they do, she just wants things to be normal and for us to be happy but I have to be strong for her, if she was few years older then I really think she'd be a helpful as Spike at the moment.  
  
I know Spike would take care of everything for me if I asked him, but you its Spike. He's gone away to New York to sell some house in Paris. I mean I never knew! I've know the guy for like four years and I never knew that he had property, I makes me wonder what else there is to him that I don't know about. Maybe I'll find out. I miss him.  
  
Buffy'  
  
~*~  
  
Her eyes were starting to fall. But one thought was stopping her falling asleep she wanted to read more.  
  
She told her self that it wasn't because she was noisy it was just that she might find out more about Spike. Sure she knew that he could be as annoying as living on a hellmouth but what else was there to him? Why was he selling the house in Paris?  
  
Buffy jumped out of bed, she had to read some more. She could just go to his crypt read a few pages, put it back where she found it and never speak about it to anyone, Spike would never have to know and no harm would have been done.  
  
She pulled on a pair of light grey sweat bottoms and a little pink vest top, no one had been worried enough to stay up until she came home so they wouldn't miss her if she was gone all night. Buffy grabbed her back pack and chucked a few bits and pieces into it, a brush, some make up a change of underwear and her own diary.  
  
Quietly she crept downstairs and headed for the kitchen, she pulled items of food from the fridge and grabbed a couple of bags of crisps from the cupboard, she hadn't taken a look in Spike's fridge so she didn't know what he had in and she didn't fancy blood for breakfast.  
  
Taking the notepad in her hand she jotted a quick note for Dawn explaining that she had to go out early and that she would see her when she got home from school. It was unusual normally she would have bothered but reading Spike's diary had put her a good mood, somehow mad her see that Dawn still needed her and that wasn't her fault. The last thing Buffy wanted was for Dawn to get up and spend the day worrying about her.  
  
After pinning the note to refrigerator door she went out of the back door and headed for Spike's crypt. She would get to know the enigma vampire and maybe they could be real friends. A small voice in Buffy's mind was screaming 'maybe more'. Buffy ignored it and broke into a sprint.  
  
TBC. 


	3. The Property Ladder

The Property Ladder  
  
Buffy crept through the Door of Spike's crypt, it seemed stupid because she knew he wasn't there and even when he was there she normally did the whole superhero breaking down the door thing. But the guilt and wrongness of the situation made her feel like she should creep.  
  
She bypassed the TV and the fridge and headed straight for the lower level, all the way there her head had been buzzing with what she might find in the book that told the story of Spike's mind. It was scary, Spike's mind was most defiantly scary but she just couldn't let it drop.  
  
Pulling the clothes out of the draw she pulled out the thick leather writing book and settled herself down on his bed reading for reading.  
  
"Where to start?" She said to herself, unsure of whether she wanted to read the tales of unchipped Spike, it had been bad enough when Giles had read her tales of Angelus from the watchers journals. With that she decided that a good place to start would be when he got the chip, nice safe none killing reading.  
  
Buffy thumbed through the pages trying to find the date that would signal the start of their friendship. The closest date she found was when he was staying at Xander's place, it made sense really because Xander had let him roam free in the day when he was out so spike would have had plenty of time to write.  
  
She took a deep breath and started to read.  
  
'Talk about a shitty day, well no it wasn't all that bad. Just to bring you up to speed I've had something put in my head to stop me from killing, I know. I ended up going to the Slayer and her watcher, I never thought they would but they helped me.  
  
Even gave me blood and such, kind makes you wonder what it's like to be a good guy, if I was them I would have never helped me, I'm evil. But they did they said it was just for information but I think they like me really even if they did tie me up. Not always an unpleasant sensation when you've got the Slayer doing it!'  
  
Buffy felt herself start to go red, even thought there was no one in the room she still felt embarrassed that Spike got turned on by that. Twirling a finger through her hair she wondered if he loved her even then, she continued to read.  
  
'So I think the watcher got right pissed off with me because he's shipped me off to stay with the Whelp! He's got some chit coming round and they're gonna be spending all their time shagging so no they can't have annoying little Spikey around. So now I'm stuck with the bloody poof, the only good point is that the demon chick comes round and well she's got a nice arse!'  
  
Buffy could feel the jealously rise up inside of her, Spike thought Anya had a nice arse! And to make matters worse so far there had been no mention of her behind!  
  
'Anyway my day. I feel like a moron, today for the first time ever I decided that unlife wasn't worth living anymore. There I was staying with a person who I hate, wearing the most ridiculous shirt you've ever seen and I can't kill, so I set me up a stake on the table and threw myself at it. Unfortunately the Whelp and Red came though the door and he's all 'what about my shirt'! Red was nice I think she was actually worried bout me, who knew! I like her.  
  
So they make me go out with them to fight the good bloody fight, which I did, I know I'm getting just as bad as the soddin' poofter! But I turns out I can beat the crap out of demons if I want, I know brilliant!'  
  
That was the end of the entry, Buffy screwed up her face she'd been hoping for things she never knew about him, not a story that she knew only too well. Spike had written about Anya and about Willow and she barely got a mention, that didn't seem fair!  
  
Buffy flicked the page over and started to bypass the next entry when she saw her name written repeatedly, "Makes for good reading" She said as her eyes started to focus on the passage.  
  
'I've decided that I'll help the Slayer, not that she needs it hell if I couldn't kill her then I'm damn sure she can hold her own.'  
  
Modest as always Spike she thought as she carried on reading.  
  
'And I've been thinking I might even get some money out of for my trouble, yep I think I've got my self a good plan there. But don't worry I'm not turning into a poof I'm still evil. But you see the Slayer she likes me, she doesn't say it and she doesn't even act like it most of the time but I know she does.  
  
I think in a way I might even like her a bit, not in 'oh let me kiss you all night with me fluffy hair gelled hair' way, just a 'I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating biscuits' way.'  
  
Buffy giggled, he had a way with words!  
  
'So I phoned Johnston today and got a balance on my accounts there not doing to badly. So what I'm thinking is I might by a new house in SunnyD, looks like I'll be staying here a while so I might as well get into the rental game while I'm here. Keep me in fags!'  
  
Buffy's eyes widened Spike was working the property ladder! It upset her that she had been around him all that time and she had never bothered to find these things out, he knew everything about her and yet she only held a handful of facts about him.  
  
She shut the journal, her eyes were sore and heavy. What was she doing here? This had opened up more problems than before, now she could see the man and he wasn't as easy to just brush off. She always knew that he was clever and even with his impatience he planned well, but she never thought about Spike earning money the honest way after all he did live in the crypt.  
  
As sleep started to take over her small form she thought that she was going to have to have a talk with Spike when he got back.  
  
TBC. 


	4. Learned From The Best

Learned From The Best  
  
Buffy woke up alone in Spike's crypt, it was amazing how easily she had fallen asleep considering when she was home her mind wouldn't rest. But the moment she had started to read Spike's words her eye's had become heavy and she had drifted off to sleep.  
  
She pushed her sleepy eyes open and tried to figure out where she was, then when she remembered a smile came to her lips, it felt strangely nice to sleep in Spike's bed. Her eyes searched the room for leather book and she saw it laying open on the floor. It had been interesting to see what Spike thought about the Scooby house share but it was mostly stuff she knew.  
  
Her hands reached out and she grabbed the book, her eyes widening when she saw the date at the top of the open page. 'Tuesday 7th August 2001'. Now there was a time she didn't know much about, it was when she was dead. A shudder passed down her spine, she was intrigued to see what had been really going on in that time but at the same time she till thought it was creepy to read.  
  
Her eyes glanced the page, she had to read it now that she knew it was there she couldn't just leave the words unread.  
  
'Tuesday 7th August 2001  
  
Dawn. Sometimes I could ring that girl's neck, I had to look after her tonight and she wouldn't listen to a word I said, I was walking her home from Janice's house and we ran into Goran and he asked me to come for a drink. I told him no that I couldn't to night because I had the Nibblet to look after, but Dawn's all yeah lets go Spike! All the way home she pestered me to take her out to meet my mates, yeah right.  
  
So we get back to her house and as punishment I had to listen to the new Backstreet Boys album five times, while discussing Nick's new haircut. Arggh I even know the names of the bloody poofs, this does not go well with the Big Bad image.  
  
Then she fell off to sleep in my arms, the nightmares didn't come. She always says that when she falls asleep with me it's because she know I'm there to protect her. Nice sentiment the lil' bit has there but what she forgets is that she's only in this situation because I couldn't protect her properly in the first place. No body ever says it, if fact all of the Scooby treat me with respect now but they all now that I should have been there for Buffy and Dawn and because I wasn't they lost her. Just like I lost her.'  
  
Reading the words about her death made slow big salty tears fall from Buffy's eyes, Spike had told her before that he felt reasonable for her death and she knew it hurt him but she never understood it was this bad.  
  
She continued to read his words of love and regret.  
  
'If I could have her back in my life I would make up for it, I would be the best friend she ever had. And if she didn't want me around then I would go, anything to just let her be back in this world. It's not going to happen though unless I can turn back time, I think she must be happy though.'  
  
Buffy gasped, "He knew."  
  
'Someone with that much love and someone that did that much good for the world must be in heaven, right? I hope so she if anyone deserves it. I can just see her sitting on a cloud spending her time doing girly things, the things she never got a chance to here.  
  
Anyway on to another topic, one not so sad. Dawn helped me set up a PayPal account today, she really amazes me sometimes the stuff she knows about. So we set it up so that I can finally get stuff from e-bay, I think she only helped me in the hope that I'd buy her something.'  
  
Buffy laughed that was Dawn all right, not stupid that girl.  
  
'Little chit learned from the best though so I can't knock her, I always taught her you don't do anything for nothing, well unless it was for me. Seems she ignored the last bit, but she's gonna get such a shock when I take her to the Backstreet Boys concert next week. I can't wait to see the look on her face, I hate the dancin' poofs myself but Dawn's gonna be so happy.  
  
Will'  
  
Buffy was grinning like a mad woman, Spike had done that for Dawn! Spike had a PayPal account?  
  
It was so strange for her to find these things out about the vampire, in a way he was more normal than her. It touched her to think about how well Spike had treated Dawn when she was gone, yet she didn't understand how reading his diary could make her feel this good.  
  
She reached into her beg for her own diary, she hadn't felt this good in such a long time that she really wanted to write it down just in case it stopped, it'd be nice to remember how this felt.  
  
'Wednesday 4th March 2002  
  
I'm at Spike's I just read more of his journal, I know I'm evil but we'll just have to get over it. I was reading about when I was gone. The way he was with Dawn it was amazing, I think when he gets beck I'm gonna have to see if he can spend more time with her.  
  
I know I'm kinda going against the Buffy grain, but I think he'd do a better job than me at the moment, he's sort of her Giles. I should ask him some stuff, like how the hell to control her!  
  
He knew, when I was dead he knew that was in heaven and he wanted me back but he understood that I must have been too happy to come back, god was he right. What is it about Spike that makes it possible for his to just understand every one of my emotions? I wish Willow and Xander had talked to him first maybe if they'd have even thought about the possibility of me being happy I wouldn't be here now.  
  
Part of me is glad to be back but I can't forget what I've lost, I should talk to Spike about it.  
  
Oh god what's wrong with me, 'I should talk to Spike about it'! He understands more than he lets on, and now I have to admit I'm kinda having fuzzy feelings, and yes that does mean towards Spike. I really think that if I read anymore then I'll have a full-blown crush! I can't wait for him to get back, then I'll be forced to stop reading his diary.  
  
Buffy.'  
  
And with that she picked up Spike's diary and started to read another entry.  
  
TBC. 


	5. The Return

THE RETURN  
  
Buffy spent all day reading Spike's diary, it was an amazing journey, for hate to love. Even though his words were harsh and sometimes a little to graphic,  
  
"I'm gonna rip the Slayers heart out and keep it in a box."  
  
The words were still kinda loving,  
  
"And I'll keep the box in the breast pocket of my duster so it's always near me unbeating one."  
  
It sounded stupid and on the first read Buffy had thought it disgusting and evil but then with more thought she realized it wasn't it was his twisted love before he could see it himself.  
  
It was unbelievable to see how dedicated to her he was, the things he had done for her without her even knowing. Her independent streak had flared up and told her to be mad that he thought she needed looking after but at the same time she felt her heart warm to him.  
  
"I had to go to Dawn's school today after she got out, there's some trip she wants to go on but things are tight. Should have seen her face when she realizes I was gonna pay for it, she started crying and saying that she wasn't hinting. Took me ages to calm her down and get her to understand that I knew she wasn't coming round to hit me up, anyway I had to make her promise to tell Buffy it was a free trip. The Slayer would have a fit is she knew I was paying for stuff for Dawn, much as I like that sexy angry glint in her eye I'm not too keen on it being directed at me."  
  
Buffy had laughed when she had read that, how well that vampire knew her. It was true she probably would have punched him. Her heart had skipped a beat when she read his entry about realizing he loved her,  
  
"I had the most disturbing dream of my life yesterday, I'm lying in bed with Harm of all people and I dream that the Slayer comes here and we kiss. I mean we really kiss and I tell her I love her, I tell you I woke up in a sweat which isn't even possible for me.  
  
I never, Dru use to mumble about the Slayer being all over me I never saw it but know I understand it. I think I've loved her forever, I could have killed her,"  
  
"Like hell you could of done." Buffy scoffed.  
  
'I never would have done it, even if she had of given me the chance. I feel like I'm going on of my mind I just plain wrong. I've been telling myself that all day but everything about her makes my body hum. Her hair, her eyes, her smile, her voice, it's all perfect. I never understood why the poof left her, I knew even then that if she were mine I would never walk away from her.  
  
And bloody captain cardboard need I say anymore. He loves her that's plain to see but it's pathetic love. He doesn't match her, he's not her equal, just some toy.  
  
I could love her likes she deserves, I'd always be by her side watching her in all her glory fighting the good fight. I'm not into the good fight myself but the way she does it she could even turn me. Every punch every kick perfect just like her. I'm starting to feel like William is trying to make an appearance, with Dru I was evil and she loved it but Buffy needs more than a Big Bad.'  
  
Buffy nodded, he was right she did need more than that and at the moment it looked like he was more than that. She had always known that Spike was clever, it annoyed the hell out of her but he was and the understanding he had went so deep.  
  
Her heart pounded in her chest, she couldn't understand what she was feeling for him. These new things she was finding out about him made her see more than the demon, but that's what he was a demon.  
  
"Even when he wasn't around he's annoying me!" Buffy shouted as she flipped to another page.  
  
"And making me tired!" She huffed as she snuggled down deeper into he sheets on Spike's bed. It might look like a cold dark crypt but this bed felt like heaven. Shaking herself she stood up and put the book back in Spike's hiding place and went back to the bed.  
  
Buffy really didn't mean to fall asleep, in fact she fought it she knew that Dawn would be worried, she did plan on going home. That never happened. Her eyes closed as she was lost in her dreams of spike as man with property and money.  
  
Her breaths started to get heavy and she didn't even notice when Dawn came by. Dawn had climbed down the ladder looking for Buffy and found her curled up in the bed snoring. She smiled and hoped that Spike would be home soon, he'd love it if he came home and found her sleeping in his bed. Dawn crept back other ladder and headed home.  
  
~*~  
  
Spike came through the door of the crypt he threw his bag down and went over to the lower level. The journey home had been long and tiring all he wanted to do was get into bed and sleep for a week. Then a tingle went down his spine, Buffy was close, it was then that he heard a slow relaxed heartbeat.  
  
Then he saw her sleeping in his bed and smile came to his face, Buffy was sleeping in his bed!  
  
He walked over and his eyes darted about the room, everything was in its place but he could tell that his things had been moves. He could just tell everything looked right but then at the same time it wasn't. And he knew this girl too well she was noisy!  
  
Still looking at her form on the bed he didn't care, he pulled off his t- shirt and got into bed. Part of him thought about taking his jeans off as well but he knew that Buffy would kill him when she woke up, so he just lay on his back and drifted off to sleep.  
  
He'd question her in the morning.  
  
TBC. 


	6. The One Who Knows Her Best

The Person Who Knows Her Best  
  
Buffy started to stir in Spike's bed and mumble to her self the way she always did when she woke up, she rolled over and cuddled herself into the sheets. That's when she felt it, a presence, she opened her eyes,  
  
"OOOOH!" She screamed as she saw Spike's sleeping face only inches from hers.  
  
Spike shot up it bed, woken by the noise, "What the bloody hell?"  
  
He looked over his shoulder and saw Buffy looking at him with a very strange expression on her face. He was expecting to be woken by a stake in the heart when she found him in bed with her, but according to her face she wasn't even angry.  
  
"God Spike you scared the shit out of me." She said as she pulled the sheets even closer to her body.  
  
Spike observed this action with confusion, "Buffy are you ok?"  
  
Closing her eyes again she answered, "Yeah why?"  
  
"It's just you wake up in bed, with ME and you don't care. And why are you in my bed anyway?" Spike asked.  
  
"Like you say I'm in your bed I can hardly be angry if you decide you wanna go to sleep, and I'm here because I needed to get away I musta fell asleep!" She lied.  
  
Spike decided to let it drop now, he was so happy she was in bed with him he didn't really care why. Spike lay back down on the bed, but he knew he wouldn't sleep. Buffy was already there her breath had become deeper and Spike could hear little snores.  
  
~*~  
  
After an hour of lying watching Buffy sleep Spike started to agitated, he pulled him self up out of bed and went over to get his diary. He looked over at Buffy as he did so, it was a risk if she woke up and saw him with it she'd make him let her read it. And that wouldn't take much a pout and he'd give in, but her heartbeat was low she was fast asleep.  
  
He got back into bed and opened the writing book on a clean page, he reached over a grabbed the pen that was lying on the floor. 'Must belong to Buffy' he thought and he started to right with the pink pen that had a ball of pink fluff stuck to the end.  
  
'I'm back, New York was a nightmare. I get there and Johnston wants me to transfer all these funds and stuff. He said it would rank up better interest, I don't care about the interest.  
  
So I come home and find Buffy fast asleep in my bed, she's still here now. She woke up, but she didn't seem to care that I was in bed with her she just lay back down and went back to sleep. God knows what she's doing here, she told me she wanted to get away but she was lying. She thinks I can't tell when she lies but she forgets I'm probably the person who knows her best in the world. Yet the silly chit still tries to lie to me!  
  
When she went back to sleep I lay with her and just watched her, it made it easy to pretend. To pretend that this is the way it was, that we were together and her in my bed was normal. When she wakes up and has to leave it's gonna hurt so much, but I'm trying not to think about that.  
  
She thinks I'm evil and that I can't love her, she's wrong. Sure I could still be evil as hell, but one word from her and I wouldn't. I do love her, I love her even more than I loved Dru. Sometimes I wonder what I had with Dru, I did love her but it wasn't like the real love, more an obsession and obligation. Buffy's different I want to love her, the demon tells me it's wrong but the man is there and he wants to love her.  
  
Even though she rejects me, I want to feel that feeling when she smiles. When I see her happy it makes me feel alive. God I'm such a poof! I think I'm going to sleep now, I don't want to be around to see her leave and she sure as hell won't wake me up and kiss me goodbye.'  
  
Spike slid the book under the bed and laid his head on to the pillow.  
  
~*~  
  
Spike woke to find what he expected, him alone in bed. Part of him thought it had all been a dream, then looking over he saw a note for him and her stuff on the floor.  
  
'Spike I had to give Dawn some money, I'll be back soon to get my stuff. Buffy'  
  
Spike laughed, she hated him but for some reason she cared enough to leave him a note so he wouldn't worry. Spike looked down at the mess surrounding her bag on the floor. 'Women' he thought as he saw the make up and brushes.  
  
A red book caught his eye, instinctively he knew what it was, her diary. It made sense she'd keep one after all she was a girl. Spike didn't think twice about picking it up and flipping it open. Buffy should have never have left it here, she knew he went in her house and stole her clothes, he especially liked her thongs, so she should have known he would read it if he found it.  
  
'Looks like I'm staying at Spike's place again. I know I should go home but it's just so nice her. Boy does that sound strange when you know Spike lives in a crypt! He has done a lot to it though, I think it's good he takes pride in his home. Most vamps live in horrible dirty little nests.'  
  
Spike smiled, it was true he hated the way other vampire's lived. That was one of the good things Angelus and Darla had taught him, to have pride in his home.  
  
'I wonder if it's like a family thing cuz Angel's place was always well looked after, and even Dru the loon liked to have nice things around her. And much as I hate to admit it her clothes were kinda cool if you go for dramatic thing! Anyway totally off point, Spike's place. I told Dawn I'd be back yesterday but she'll be alright. I want to use this time to think of plan, with Spike's help.'  
  
'Plan?' Spike thought and why did she want his help?  
  
'I am going to be the best sister acting as mother ever for Dawn, and it pretty much looks like Spike has already got the vampire friend acting as father thing down. He can help me work out what I should do with her.'  
  
Spike smiled, something had happened to make Buffy think very differently of him, or maybe she felt like this all along?  
  
'I do feel guilty about it, but it's has made me see what's wrong, it's helped.'  
  
Spike was confused, but then his eyes widened and he let out a growl as he scanned the next sentence.  
  
'Reading his diary was wrong but if he knew how much better.....'  
  
Spike didn't finish reading the rest he just pulled on his clothes and left to find the Slayer.  
  
TBC. 


	7. Drunk & In Love

Drunk & In Love  
  
Spike ran straight back inside when the sunlight touched his skin he was so angry that his internal clock hadn't even had time to register that he was planning on going out with the sun up. He paced his crypt,  
  
"The bitch better be back soon." He shouted as he grabbed the bottle of whiskey from on top of the TV and took a deep drink.  
  
Falling into the chair his mind raced with the things she could have read, what the hell made her do it? Buffy was always so self-righteous this wasn't her style. Sure he'd read her's but he was a demon that was what he meant to do, be evil!  
  
He finished the whiskey with the next mouthful, then he picked up another bottle. He was trying to tell himself that he was getting drunk so that he could be fully angry at Buffy, but that wasn't the reason.  
  
He was embarrassed, she was gonna laugh so much at him and then she'd tell Xander and he'd laugh even harder, and he would be the poof not Angel.  
  
Within an hour Spike had gone through three and half bottles, even with the tolerance he'd built up over the years he was pissed.  
  
~*~  
  
Buffy couldn't wait to get back to Spike, she wanted to talk to him. As much as she was going to hate Spike being in the right she was going to tell him what she'd done. Her heart pounded at the thought she could only guess how he was going to react, but she needed to tell him make him understand that what she'd read had changed her opinion of him.  
  
She opened the crypt door and took a deep breath.  
  
Spike was sprawled out on his chair, unconscious. Buffy started to run to his side when she spotted the empty bottles by his feet. She rolled her eyes, why did he have to pick now to get drunk?  
  
"Spike!" She shouted jolting him out of his deep slumber.  
  
He pushed himself to his feet and swaggered over to her, Buffy's eyes never left him. He started to circle her body, his eyes glancing over her form much the way they did before a fight.  
  
"Slayer." Spike spat with contempt, but still slightly slurred.  
  
Buffy smiled at him trying to lighten the mood.  
  
"Spike's what got into you?" She half laughed.  
  
Spike snarled at her, Buffy could hear a low growl coming from deep inside his throat. She started to panic.  
  
"You're a fucking bitch Slayer. Did you think I would know that you'd been through my stuff?" He screamed. Buffy's eyes widened and it gave her away.  
  
"Spike I was gonna tell you I.." He cut her off by throwing an empty bottle at her feet.  
  
"Don't wanna hear it Slayer!" He shouted as the glass shattered around her feet. He never looked up into her eyes, he knew he would stop if he did.  
  
"Please Spike, listen." She said as she started to sob and trailed off, Spike tried to block the sound out, he hated her crying.  
  
"Explain then." He spoke his voice void of any emotions.  
  
"I am a bitch, but I don't think any less of you for writing down your thoughts. I'm sorry I came back to tell you." She rushed her words so that he couldn't cut her off before she finished.  
  
"Yeah I believe that pet!" Spike scoffed.  
  
"When have I ever lied to you?" She shouted as she grabbed hold of his arms and stared right into his eyes. He didn't answer her.  
  
"I haven't but you've lied to me. I saw something new in you reading it, it made me think about you in a different way."  
  
Spike's mind raced, what was she saying? He didn't want to let himself hope too much, she was probably talking about something else, "So you don't think I'm a bloody prancin' poof then?"  
  
Buffy gave a half laugh, typical Spike, "No."  
  
She lifted her hand to his face and rubbed her thumb against his cheek. It was no or never she told herself, she lifted herself onto the tips of her toes and kissed him firmly on the lips.  
  
Spike wanted to pull back and ask her what she was doing, but of course he never he just hooked his hand around her waist and pulled her body closer to him. His tongue stared to probe her mouth and the heat grew between them.  
  
This was what she wanted Spike thought as her hands slipped underneath his shirt.  
  
'Now might not be a good time to tell her how I really found out' Spike thought to himself as her other hand reached down to undo is jeans.  
  
THE END 


End file.
